


Anything You Are Good At Is Good Enough

by 144_bees



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, one-sided hasegawa/gintoki if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/144_bees/pseuds/144_bees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki doesn't watch what he's saying (as usual), Hasegawa gets anxious and dispirited (as usual), things get clarified, it all ends well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything You Are Good At Is Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> so, the thing is  
> \- i haven't written anything in forever  
> \- im still figuring out how to write in english (which isnt my first language)  
> \- hasegawa (and hasegin) doesnt get nearly enough content in this fandom so im here to try and fix that as well as i can (which is not all that well but nvm)
> 
> please tell me if u notice any mistakes
> 
> here we go

"Oi! Don't tell me you still have this old thing! Weren't you trying to find a a new job or something?"

Hasegawa kicked the second geta off and entered his current flat to see Gintoki squinting at the slightly dusty lid of a laptop. The white-haired man poked the thing with an expression of deep disinterest, then turned to Hasegawa. In the sudden silence between them Taizou distinctly heard an old woman living below yell obscenities at her television set. His face steadily grew hotter as the pause was obviously intended to be filled with an explanation he failed to deliver.

"Yes?" — he coughed a bit, than sat down on the floor near the desk. To be fair, it was hard not to sit near the desk in Hasegawa's apartment since the thing was in the center of its only tiny tiny room. "Um, what did you expect me to do with it? Throw it out?"

Gin flopped on his back, leg almost touching his friend.

"Of course not, that would be just stupid. But it's hard to become a working member of society," - the emphasis on those words read suspiciously like an unvoiced "like me" - "if you spend all your time with the useless thing".

Taizou closed his eyes, wishing for a sudden burst of agitation in his chest to go away. This was his best friend, there was nothing to get all worked up over. He coughed again as if testing the waters before actually saying anything.

"I don't know, I kinda like it. Gives me something to do, you know?"

"But isn't that exactly the problem" - Gintoki pressed on. "That computer, video games and shit, they're something like pachinko. Only you can't quit once you spend all your money or cause it's late and they're screaming at you to get your ass out of the parlour, you just go on and on playing forever. That kind of thing, it's unhealthy. And i don't say things like that lightly, old man".

Agitation started to spread its acid talons to his stomach, on its way to becoming a full fledged worry. Not for the first time, Taizou was glad for his sunglasses making his emotions a little harder to read.

"Gin-san, that- That's not very fair of you. No matter how hard I try to get a job, there are still plenty of empty days and you know how difficult it can be to fill those, right? And- and, it's not like I have many things to do, really. I only have money occasionally, after all, and what is there to do if I can't pay for anything? And it's not- it's not like I have a lot of options".

He managed to swallow the words that almost tumbled out, yet they joined the ball of anxiety inside of his chest, ringing out as clear to him as they would aloud. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to but you. It's not like I can run to you whenever there is nothing to do but stare at a wall. It's not like I can ask anyone to fill that time for me with their presense, like your kids do easy as breathing. The sentiment was one he felt often, but this time it was more bitter than ever. Gintoki doesn't get it, he thought, there is no way he understands. With a few words and some foolish heroics the man changed his life forever, but was he even aware of that? Did Gin notice the moment he became the eye of the storm Hasegawa got caught into? Unbidden, the glum thought escalated and the next thing Hasegawa actually said was:

"I was happier before I met you, you know".

The other man didn't react at all, didn't move a muscle. Like nothing unusual had happened. The air around him, however, was so different from the ordinarily relaxed, careless Gin-san, it was palpable. 

Shortly, an awkward silence was interrupted by Hasegawa's scratchy voice again, as if he was unable to stop the fumbling impromtu speech once it began.

"I mean, it probably wasn't better. Sometimes I wonder if that government servant ever really was me.. what with the things he- I said and did. But life was so much easier then. Safe, predicatable. None of the things it is now. I always had something to do, was actually good at- things" - he fumbled, inhaling loudly. 

"That's why I need this, Gin-san. It's pathetic, but those games are something I'm good at. They are really a great help whenever I need a distraction from worrying and pacing and drinking and feeling like the last place I got fired from was the last job I'd ever get again. It's probably counterproductive, you're right, but they make me get up in the morning sometimes. When I get- sick, sometimes. Not much interests me then, but they do. They're really. A great help. A good thing".

The last words were very quiet in the small room's smothering air as Hasegawa seemed to use up all energy on his tirade. Sighing loudly, he hung his head, staring at the dingy carpet. That was what Gin-san called oversharing, wasn't it? He said much more than he intended to. And all because of a few light-hearted remarks. Really, he was too old for such childish behaviour. The anxious feeling seemed to get even more intense, making him pick the words that still hung in the air apart, regret everything he said bit by little bit. He surely made Gintoki uncomfortable, didn't he? This would be the end of their friendship he long suspected was coming, wouldn't it?

"Oi, Hasegawa-san, quit getting all sullen on me."

Taizou sat up straight so fast he acutely felt a muscle cramp in his shoulder. 

"Huh?" - he breathed out.

Gintoki was also sitting upright now, his gaze fixed on Hasegawa's face: "I said, don't do this thing where you make a dramatic speech and then shut down completely to decide my reaction for yourself, that's just tacky — especially to the guy who's gonna pay for the booze tonight out of his last pay".

Taizou was staring at his friend in a way that might have made him distinctly uncomfortable, if not for the sunglasses. Gintoki, not waiting for a reply, stood with a grace one would never suspect in his previous lazy sprawl. He covered the distance that separated him from the door and deftly tugged the high boots on. He hesitated just for a moment before exiting:

"So, yeah, gonna be back in a few minutes with that and the cigarettes. While you wait, you can," - he made a vague circular motion with his hand to make up for the elusive word, - "play. Those games. Of yours".


End file.
